I said 'no' to drugs.........
but they just wouldnt listen

68, i owe you 1.

95 percent of the time I'm nice, but five percent of the time - i make the devil look like God!
- - my science teacher said this to me!

When you can't find ur balls...look in the closet!!

What Can Skittles Do But Guys Cant
--Cum In 5 Different Colors!
What\'s The Difference Between A Blonde & A Mosquito?
--When You Slap A Mosquito It Stops Sucking
What Are The Only Type Of Bees That Make Milk??
--booBIES

My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause

*Mitch Hedberg*

Guess who I saw today? everyone I looked at

You know America's reached its limits when we start bombin countrys we cant even pronounce.

Fat Albert called...he wants his stomach back

When I see you, I am happy, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside.
-Me to the fridge.