My reflexes are so good, I start crying 2 minutes before they hit me.

I havent reported my credit cards to the police , becuz whoever stole them is spending less money than my wife

I couldn't repair the brake so I made the horn louder

95 percent of the time I'm nice, but five percent of the time - i make the devil look like God!
- - my science teacher said this to me!

Im not retarded i just enjoy to lick windows

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

If you want to sound smart, just use big words no-one else knows

Friendship is like peeing your pants.
everyone can see it,
but only u can feel the true warmth

How to keep an idiot busy for about 5 seconds? Well, like this

You're not ugly! Just see it as you being a beautiful monkey :)