"When Climbing the latter to success dont let the boy look up your dress he may say your sexy he may say your fine but 9 months later he'll say not mine."

If you can dazzle the world with your knowledge then baffle them with your bullshit.

Whoever said sunshine brings happiness obviously has never danced in the rain!

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Boy (with a cheesy pickup line): can i call you carrot?... cuz your good for my eyes.

Girl (much more clever then the boy): only if i can call you toilet paper... cuz your an ass-wipe

"It's better to be pissed off then pissed on"

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, & beer

I dont have enough middle fingers to show how i really feel.

I'm not fat, gravity just has more of an effect on me than other people!

"I know when i die I wont be missed
but you will realize what you missed."