My friends are the type of friends who if asked to pick your poison they'll point at me.

He's always so late, if he were a girl, he'd be pregnant.

Keep walking, Keep Talking, you got nothing on me, keep smiling because you know that you can't do what i do. Keep staring, comparing what it would be like to be in my shoes...YOU CAN'T DO WHAT I DO.

Guy: I'm like God's gift to mankind!
Girl: Wrap yourself back up, I think we're all re-gifting.

*actual conversation btween me and kaitan!

"I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is nonsense."

Oh please...
Pretty girls turn heads...
but my girls fcuking break necks.

When i said id hit that.....

i meant with my car!

(not mine)

He said: why do u wear a bra? you've got nothing to put in them...

she said: you wear pants dont you?

You cry..i cry...
you fight...i fight...
you laugh...i laugh...
you jump of a bridge...
im going to miss your dumb ass

I may be the girl of us two, but I think I've proven I've got way more balls.