I dont mind smart ppl, i dont mind some ppl, its just that, there are some ppl, i cant stand

When I see someone having an embarrasing clumsy moment I laugh, not because I find it humourous, but because it reminds me of myself.

I'm not paranoid. But I know you think I am.

"Here in Jamaica, we don't drink and drive. We smoke and fly" - my tour guide, Arlene

**actually happened when i went on vacation in Jamaica**

You look the way you feel. So always feel beautiful. =)

-I've just had an apostrophe.
-I think you mean an epiphany.
-Lightning has just struck my brain.
-Well that must have hurt.

Ive used up all of my sick days so im calling in DEAD!

Save water... drink vodka.

Why is that space on a womens body called a waist? well it is one u could easily fit another set if boobs there

Scientists have discovered that every birthday makes a person older