Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni... That folks, is what drugs do to you.

Worrying: a waste of imagination.

Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.

Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I'm not falling for that.

I May Not Know Art
But I Do Know The Stylistic Anticendants Of
Cubism.

Me: "Keep an eye on that guy, he's completely nuts and dangerous".

AK: "I'm allergic to dangerous nuts".

Life would be boring
Without anarchy
Without rebelling
Against hierarchy

If the best things in life are free then why do the rich people get all of the good stuff

Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"

Who wants to go to Narnia with me?