"Don't worry about being fat. You're skinny on the inside"

If we Americans use the English system and not the metric system..

Why isn't there a gallon of pepsi?

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words

Isn't it weird that the name of the fear of long words is a very long word??

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them

You've been with blondes, bored by brunettes, but you haven't tried a redhead yet.

Quitting smoking is easy... ive done it thousands of times...

I think people first got AIDS from eating monkeys...atleast I hope they were eating them.
-Erin

Psychiatrists don't prescribe viagra.
-Kat

If our politics got any better, we'd all be swinging around on vines eating bananas all day.

You know Santa Clause can really be very scary...

"he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you been bad or good so be good for goodness sakes!."

That's really enough to make someone paranoid....