"Matter always takes the path of least resistence. So all matter, including humans, are fundamentally lazy. Matter will take every other path before deciding the right one, so all matter, including humans, is fundamentally retarded..."

Bombing for peace is like f.u.c.k.i.n.g for virginity!!

Girls are like phones. They love to be talked to, and held. But you push the wrong button, and you WILL get disconnected.
~I didn't actually write this i found it.~

Don't advertise what you're not willing to sell.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol

this is how socity lives these days

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

Canada: Where the men are men and the women are too.

Montana: Where the men are men and the sheep are afraid.

(don't get mad at me for this, I heard this somewhere and I thought it was funny.)

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter..