First God made men.
Then he had a better idea.

Always remember....Amateurs built the arc, professionals built the Titanic.

Bush says we'll go back to the moon by 2020. Why don't we just send him there now?

--My American cousin

When someone throws skittles at you and says "taste the rainbow" Run them over with your car and say "Nationwide is on your side!"

Why do ppl look at me like im stupid just because i like to express my feelings by makin weird noises and faces?
They need to get over theirselve, cuz they just jealous of us ppl like that cuz we r WAY cooler than them!
hahaha

"Why do we have middle fingers?"

"Because i cant tell you how much i hate you with my pinkie"

To err is human.
To arr is a pirate.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Got a problem with me
SOLVE IT
Think I'm trippin
TIE MY SHOEs
Can't stand me
SIT DOWN
Can't face me
TURN AROUND

They say that behind every successful man stands a woman, but perhaps it's that in front of every woman is a man that's in the way