Alcohol...because fat people need to get laid to

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

I've learned to tune people out in my mind when I really don't want to listen to what they say. Sometimes, it even works with my own thoughts. Unfortuna...*elevator music*... and I can comfortably say that NO ONE was expecting THAT to happen!

Inanimate object namers stick together.

I think people first got AIDS from eating monkeys...atleast I hope they were eating them.
-Erin

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

BE optimistic
:)
Everyone you hate will all eventually die

It's not that i am a b itch, i just don't like you!

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. No use being a damned fool about it.

-W. C. Fields

Y do they put braille on the keypad of a drive up ATM??