I like how you didnt limit this poem to four line stanzas and a simple rhyme scheme. i just find poems like that too generic and boring. it was quite a good poem with some good imagery and emotions in it
Well I like the other poem better but this one is also great.
The poem has short lines which gives off a fast action 'pace.' which tells the reader that you were thinking a lot of 'things' in the moment you were writing this piece.
Throughout the poem the tone was pretty fast but then the tone suddenly shift in this line.
"That you're not returning (...)"
- The sudden 'shift' shows that you're done thinking about the past and ready to let him go.
- I also think that this line was an excellent set up for the final line.
I've just got to let you go (.)
- Well suggestion - change that to (...) Well it's up to you of course. In my opinion it will give a greater impact on the last line.
Wow. I think this one was my favorite. I loved everything about this one. The imagery is amazing. I love the style as well. This one really covers alot about relationships..with real original emotions. You should write more like this. This one is one of your best..no doubt. Shanik