[the space between]

when you're big,
you hit all the creaks on the stairs
even though you know where they are,
your body won't grant reprieve.

when you're big,
you can't do magic tricks,
you can't shrink from the
discomfort of being
alive.
vulnerabilities are broadcasted
and nothing is soundproof.

when you're big,
you can't stomp out insecurities
by wearing an 80 watt smile.
you can't explain to people who
don't know you that yes, you exercise
and yes, you've tried to eat less before.

no one knows that living undiagnosed
is living in fear,
when starving yourself was a pastime
that everyone overlooked because
you had a curvy figure.

how you wish to become
a crawl space, just so you
can breathe.