God made me pretty...
Damn were you born @$$ backwards?!!

"Behind every man is a woman rolling her eyes"

I learn from my mistakes.. that doesn't mean i want to make them.

When death knocks at the door greet him, then kick his ass all the way back to hell.

If life gives you lemons...
SQUIRT SOMEONE IN THE EYE!!! :D

Families are mostly sweet and a few nuts

I SMILE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON

Apparently eating chocolate produces chemicals that are very similar to the kind that your body produces when your in love, in that case love makes me puke.

When life hands you lemons please do not make beef stew, Instead please throw them at the ugly people.

I found a box today labeled "The Meaning of Life".
So of course I opened it, and inside I found a huge, red tomato.