When lifes a betch, tell it to go lay down by its bowl.

Best friends: We are the type of ppl who laugh at a joke 3 times...Once when it's told..... the second time when they explain it....and (five minutes later) when we finally get it.....

Well Behaved Women Rarley Make History.

That ain't no etch-a-sketch.
That's one doodle that can't be undid homeskillet.
-Juno

Now is my new hour of stress,
Minutes ticking forth a mess!

Friend: is there a way to have a hangover without drinking or doing drugs?
me: yea, it's called being pregnant..
friend: oh, crap...

*actual conv with my friend (who's a girl). thought it was funny*

Don't run into stop signs they slow you down in life

Don't run into stop signs they slow you down in life

Im not one of those freaks,
who write quotes about suicide.
because i dont know about you..
but I dont want to die.

Remember when you went to sleep as a kid and mommy kissed you goodnight? Ever wonder if she just got done giving daddy a blow job? You do now.