Don't wait on the corner of the street, in the rain, for her to finally fall in love with you, you might catch a cold

Mexican word of da day -"ChiNOS"

My MOM thiNkS "ChiNOS" EVERythiN, bUt "ChiNOS" NOthiNG.!

He said . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

After a year in therapy,
my psychiatrist said to me,
"Maybe life isn't for everyone."

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

Why is it when im in a hurry all the lights are red. and when im not all the light are green??

and why is it when i need a parking, theres no parking. and when i leave theres a lot of available parking??

Why do ppl always wish to win the lottery yet they never buy a ticket??

Damaged people are dangerous...because they know how to survive.

Trust that little voice in your head that says, "Wouldn't it be interesting if.." And then do it.

Me: *smoking*
Child: -sneaking up behind me - Smoking is dirty.
Me: So are rude children.
Child: It'll kill you.
Me: So will talking to strangers... You can go away now.

True story! It just happened Friday night! :P