Happiness is in the eye of the drunken beholder.

Me and my friend made this up:

I dont hav problems!!!!...i have issues

~~~I heard from a friend insulting his cousin, and I thought it was funny...~~~

Life isn't a garden, so stop being a ho!

"Why don't you go put a condom on ur head coz if ur gonna act like a d*ck, you might as well look like one to."

My train of thought didn't have its caboose

i said this one day while talking to a friend of mine when i was answering a question, my mind just went blank and i couldn't finish the sentence, she asked why and thats what i said.

Ignorance is not only bliss, but a virtue.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a watermelon is more fun to throw at someone

Live a little!
die a little
cry a little
laugh a little
but don't belittle others because it makes you look little

A woman without chocolate is like a fish without a fishtank.

Life is hard so wear a helmet!