When life throws you lemons throw them back and demand limes

Never is the word GOD listens for when he needs a laugh.

My second chance is my first try.

One day when you wake up down the road you will wish that you would have woken up sooner; before you crashed.

Ooooooh look a godzilla rat!
*a stoner friend of mine said this about a squirrel! :)

I wanna be Barbie that B!+ch has everything!

I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good? I always wonder if they want me to say no, I made a few mistakes

Im tha kinda person who laughs at a joke 3 times
||once|| ______when it's told
||once|| _____ when it's explained to me
||once|| __ 5 minutes later when i finally get it

Boys are like parking spaces
All the good ones are taken
The rest are handicap

Got this from my friend Nicole.

Guys are like bulls, all balls and no brains