Men are like bank accounts somedays they are up other days they are down and other days show no interest

It's like wipping before you poop, it just dont make sense

If I were a dog and u were a flower, I'd lift my leg and give you a shower.

"Children in the back of the car cause accidents.

Accidents in the back of the car cause children."

Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.

If you think life is bad, imagine what its like for an egg, you share your pad with 11 other guys, it takes 4 minutes to get hard, 2 minutes to get soft, you only get laid once and the only chick that sat on your face was your mum... life isnt that bad

Life's a b**ch so get a pimp! :)

(something i thought of during a dumb moment lol)

A friend in need is a friend indeed, but a friend with weed is better, a friend with breasts and all the rest, a friend thats dressed in leather.--got it from my friend Landon :D

"Food eaten while walking contains no calories."

I have a bath tub and a thing of yogurt I can survive anything!