If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

EmbraCe the dOrk in yOurself
Cuz lifes tO shOrt tO be cOol !!

Remember it takes 42 mucles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and smack the idiot upside the head

You know it's going to be a bad day
when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as Hell. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going "Ahhh, crap! I thought I looked like that rock!"

Trust me, my life's goal is NOT to make you suffer. I swear. It's to laugh hysterically (and/or maniacally) at your expense, whether it be through bodily harm, Krispy Kreme donuts, or any other sort of kitchen utensil/appliance you can think of.

*Mature is just what dull people call themselves*

No matter how bad a situation is, if you can't laugh at it, you are in really deep shit.

"Choose Life.
...Death is so overated."

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!