Grow your own dope, plant a man.

I'm not goin to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on. like the lawnmowers

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

Nothing says "oops" like a wall of flame.

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say "How to Build a Boat".

"Guys need to learn how to think with the head between thier shoulders, not the one in there pants."

More a question than a curse:
how can hell be any worse

freewebs.com/thefunnydude

Teacher: hour glass but i dont know what it measures
Taylor: OMFG are u serious an hour glass it measures hours
Teacher:that its disrespectful
Taylor:well u need to get laid
*whole class gets quiet* everyone starts laughing

Where going on A O L
*peep peep peep ggggaaaaaaassssshhhh*
Welcome you got mail.

You Like Your life? Good Cause Enjoy It While It Last... xD