Hey dude this chocolate taste really good, man thats not chocolate.. Lol

"What happens when you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?"

I don't like sleeping because I hate waking up

Only fools laugh at others,
Only a man helps others.
and only a Clown does both!

"If I had a "damn", what makes you think that I am obligated to "give" it?

Friend: Happy Birthday! I got you a cake
Me: That's a urinal cake..
Friend: Pee it out and make a wish!
Me: I wish I had better friends..

I hate two faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.

"Sneaky...Sneaky like a fish!!!" - my sisters ex-boyfriend

MOOOOOMMM!!! You almost mad me run over a MEXICAN!! --my friend.

It's like finding a dead hooker in your uncle's room the morning of Christmas.....