Im so bored i could eat a horse just for kicks
not funny but i really am bored

Dont take life so seriously, its not as though its permanent.

Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again.

To say I was naked when I broke in would be a lie... I put on safty glasses

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
But not in that order

The man who smiles when it goes wrong
Has thought of someone to blame it on!

And God said, "Come forth and the kingdom of heaven is yours," but I came fifth and got a toaster instead.

I was a little upset when i saw you with her, but then i laughed because she was UGLY!

Dont say anything useless to me, not because i dont wnat to here it, it just better be some fuking mark twain shit cus its definatly going on your tomb stone

Me: (silence)
Friend: what were you saying?
Me: .......*This is why you don't have friends.*

Note: This ACTUALLY happened!!! (lol)