Did anyone hear about that one chick who set her cell phone on vibrate and used it as a d*ldo? Now that's just plain sad.

In case of fire read this message ..................................... I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU ....... ~~~!!

Think of me as the Barbie you'll never get to play with.

I'm a nobody,
Nobody's perfect,
....Therefore I'm perfect!

(I heard this and I loved it)

WHY DO MEXICANS ONLY TIE ONE SHOE? BECAUSE ON DA BOTTOM OF DA SHOE IT READS “ TAIWAN ”.
JJAJA LOL

Why dont vending machines give change!!!!!!!!!

Thinks that if you wanna keep your legs open 24/7 you should put a sign on your forehead saying' easy come easy go...

It isn't a party without Shane Harty

No. You're wrong. So just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong.

(Yes I'm aware that is a group on facebook. I am also aware that I fell out of my chair laughing after reading the title of and joining said group.)

Yesterday is history, yet tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift, thats why they call it present