People see it as the glass half full
or the glass half empty
im just wondering who the hell keeps drinking my beer

Trespassers will be shot!
Survivors will be shot again!

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

Im the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence for something that happened yesterday

When a girl says "im cold"...dont be an IDIOT and say "me too"

You're just like a brand new pencil.

You're pointless.

Make your parents mad, they ground you.

Make a stranger mad, they call the police.

Make me mad, and I'll shove snowballs down your pants.

It's your choice.

You don't have to admit that I'm right,
You just have to agree that you're wrong.

HERE LIES THE BODY OF MARY LEE,...

WHO DIED AT THE AGE OF A HUNDRED AND THREE,...

FOR FIFTEEN YEARS SHE KEPT HER VIRGINITY,...

NOT A BAD RECORD FOR THIS VICINITY!

Anyone can frighten people,
But it takes real talent to get a restraining order.