Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

Never knock on Death's door... ring the bell and run, he hates that.

-Anonymous

I just kept humming to annoy the people around me
And wound up giving myself a headache.

Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you. but the roses are wilting the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

"Never love if you are not prepared to be hurt. Never start if you don't have plans to finsh. Never speak if you don't mean it. And most importantly, never smile when you don't have teeth."

Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist.

Daughter:Mummy, whats the difference between a red and a white wine?

Mother: Well a red wine is more matured than a white wine.

pause..............

Daughter:....So girls are red wines and boys are white wines?

What do you call a prostatute with her hands down her pants...........

SELF-EMPLOYED
I think it's funny....

He who laughs last... doesn't get it.

If a guy flashes you,
Ask him if it comes in adult sizes.