It takes some skillz to trip over flat surfaces

Dont feel sad, dont feel blue!
Frankinstine was ugly too!

I never apologize.
I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

-Homer J. Simpson

Seen written on the stall in the Men's Bathroom:
"My Wife follows me Everywhere."

Written Just below it:
"I Do Not."

I see your face when I am dreaming,
That is why I always wake up screaming

Driving is like the 80/20 rule,
you're 20 you go 80,
you're 80 you go 20!

People see it as the glass half full
or the glass half empty
im just wondering who the hell keeps drinking my beer

My Smile Is Just As Real As Pamela Anderson's Boobs

Whoever said anything was possible obviosly never tried slamming a revolving door

If McDonalds always wants to see u smile...then y do they alwayz mess up ur order?!?!???