A good friend will come bail you out of jail...but a best friend would be sitting next to you saying, "damn! we f**ked up!!!!!"

I saw you today and couldnt help but laugh

Good girls blush during naughty scenes in the movies. Bad girls smile because they know they can do better.

There are people who make things happen,
There are people who watch thing happen,
And then there are the people who say what the hell just happend.

Sticks and stone may brake my bones but whips and chains excite me. Throw me down and tie me up and show me that you like me! ;)

If u think sunshine makes u happy... Then obviously u havent ever danced in the rain...!

I am smart. I just say a lot of stupid things.

A man is a king
i king is a ruler
a ruler is 12 inches
sure your a man?

Don't worry, being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep.

In a giant blender...

The Good: Your wife is pregnant.

The Bad: With Triplets.

The Ugly: You got a vissectomy five years ago.