"Wow, this relationship is really rocky. I bet a wedding and baby will solve everything!" -Idiots.

Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.

"Don't let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father's actual sex talk with me when I was 13.

Through the trailer park,pink & blue curlers,red polish toes 'tween cotton balls,wax legs & my lip. Good I's at Bea's. Spied you hook up the trailer & go out of my life. Took that first turn too fast. What's that called again? A jackknife?

Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who's ashamed to admit they like you!

Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.

Relationship Status: Sleeping next to the warm laundry pile.

Get her pizza, not pregnant.

I'd like to nail you so hard you don't wake up for three days. - rejected Christian Mingle bio

Fcuk her so hard you have to get her a "get well soon" card.