"A man is a king; a king is a ruler; a ruler is 12 inches long; still think you’re a man???"

not mine but its funny

Don't ride the brown eyed pony!!

*if you dont' get this ur a idiot but it's sayin don't be gay! lol*

To all the females that think theyre fine....please girl I\'ll take yo man and still keep mine!

"My wife has 52 personaities, and 51 of them hate my guts"

Tom Arnold on wife Rosanne

Children in the dark causes accidents, accidents in the dark causes children.

Sex is like math add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply.

WhAtS sPoNgEbOb WiThOuT pAtRiCk?
WhAtS pigLeT wiThOuT poOh?
WhAtS tOMmY wiThOuT cHuCkiE?
*WhAtS mEe WiThOUt You?*

.roses are red.
.violets are blue.
.the softer the bed.
.the better the screw.

I split up with my boyfriend today due to religious reasons.......... he thought he was god and i didn't!!

A girl talking to her boyfriend:
"I been thinking real hard and...."
Cuts her off: "No! Please don't do that!"
"I'm sorry, I have to"
"You can't! You have to stop thinking!! You might hurt yourself."