A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
— Rodney Dangerfield

Roses r red, nuts r brown,
skirts r up, pants r down,
body 2 body, skin 2 skin,
when its stiff, stick it in.

Why do girls talk so much and guys think so much? cause girls have 4 lips and guys have 2 heads

"That's the problem with drinking, I thought. If something bad happens, you drink in an attempt to forget. If something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate. And if nothing happens, you drink to make something happen."

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b!+ch.

--Jack Nicholson

Marrage is a three ring circus,engagment ring,wedding ring and suffering.

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume & a boy puts on shaving cologne & they go out & smell each other."
Kari - age 5
...haha just thought that was kinda cute

I'm an angel, honest! These horns are just to keep my halo up.

Sex is like math add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply.

Why are men like clouds?

because as soon as they go away the world becomes a brighter place