My hamster died the other night...it fell asleep at the wheel

No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again.[...] I feel like the maid "I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for... for ten minutes"

-The Incredibles

Just tell Nemo you couldn't find him cuz you were getting stonned. He'll understand.
[r-e-s-p-o-n-s-a-b-i-l-i-t-y]
my anti_drug

A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.

ladies, this is not an insult, just a helpful note on the divine secret of men.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words

Isn't it weird that the name of the fear of long words is a very long word??

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them

You've been with blondes, bored by brunettes, but you haven't tried a redhead yet.

I think people first got AIDS from eating monkeys...atleast I hope they were eating them.
-Erin

Psychiatrists don't prescribe viagra.
-Kat

If our politics got any better, we'd all be swinging around on vines eating bananas all day.