Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol

this is how socity lives these days

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

Canada: Where the men are men and the women are too.

Montana: Where the men are men and the sheep are afraid.

(don't get mad at me for this, I heard this somewhere and I thought it was funny.)

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter..

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bombing for peace is like f.u.c.k.i.n.g for virginity!!

"Matter always takes the path of least resistence. So all matter, including humans, are fundamentally lazy. Matter will take every other path before deciding the right one, so all matter, including humans, is fundamentally retarded..."

A full coffin is like a full coffer,...both are attractive to thieves.