In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

Everyone thinks that gay marriage is bad for our society, well so is obesity, but they arent trying to ban fat marriage now are they?

"A blonde in my class asked our science teacher if it was true that the world was flat"...

off the web thought I'd share

"The Nile is located in Greece, isn't it?"
"No, ****, it's called Egypt"
"Oh, I always mix those two up"

Some class, somewhere, some girl said this....

Girl 'With which country borders Portugaly?'
Guy:'I know it's in America but let me think for a while so I can answer correctly'

[REHAB] is for [quitters] !!

[chris&caro]

I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 a.m., and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open.
PT 1

PT 2
I'm not gonna walk by at ten and say "Hey, I walked by at three, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This jacket would be halfway done"

School? Yeah, I've been there once.