Halsey concert tomorrow. I am so excited that I’m shaky.

“Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” - New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift.

“I've got no aim, a million rounds, is nothing real / a hundred pounds of heavy steel, it feels so loud / tied to my chest, it feels so loud” - Modus by Joji.

“Happy Loner” by Marina.

“Anything 4 U” by Banks on repeat tonight.

I will be back in my hometown in a week's time in nearly six months and I am not sure how it is going to feel. So many memories and feelings I wish to wash away but, yet, they linger.

"Put the gun in my mouth, it tastes so bitter / I feel so alive here" - No Jesus Christ by Seether.

Burn by Banks echoing in my head this morning, filling me with bittersweet smiles. “And you’re living in your mind / and nostalgia holds you in dark places / but I’ll be here just in case you decide you want some help / we can face it.”

“Oxygen” by Emeli Sandé hitting me hard this morning.

I crave the rush of nicotine, the way it turns my fingertips into a tingling blur of motion. How I can feel it in my toes. Can close my eyes and just be, for just a moment.