A whiter shade of pale

by Koan   Dec 30, 2019


Amorous air-drawn angels

Wrapped within wounded wishes, within
Hovering hollow hands
Imprisoned inside
The terrible, tame,
Excessively erected
Raucously rusted reasons

Shapeless submerging sighs,
Hidden heavenly hues
Alas! all annulled, all ashes as
Disheartened devouring dull dreams
Erased everything

Oh, overflowing ominous oblivion,
Fading forever’s flower...

Perishable pale poems
Afloat above abundant ashen adobes
Leaving life lost, lightless,
Entrapped, embalmed, ended..

5


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Latest Comments

  • 1 week ago

    by Meena Krish

    I like the mixture you have put into this acrostic and the layout - it took some time to figure out it was an acrostic and what more the visuals a d word play makes it...interesting. Congrats on the win!

    • 1 week ago

      by Koan

      Its nice to see you reading my poem Meena!
      Im glad you enjoyed the read.
      I wrote this poem when I was very active learning and writing poetry...
      Thank you

  • 1 week ago

    by Saerelune

    Quite the alliterative acrostic you've got here. ;)

    Not sure if I'm able to interpret the poem correctly as there seems to be quite some ambiguity.. But the adjectives of conflict make me feel like there is a heavy struggle going on. Perhaps one of mental entrapment, fighting one's demons?

    I agree with MaryAnne that some spaces feel crowded and force you into more abstract wording, although I do appreciate a bit of symbolism here and there.. Untangling the riddle so to speak. My favourite line was probably "Wrapped within wounded wishes", kind of simple but vividly strong.

    Congrats on your win.

    • 1 week ago

      by Koan

      "abstract wording" So true! I do get carried away because I love surrealism..
      I wish my English would be better so I could express exactly what I want to say...
      Thank you for taking the time and read/comment ..

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Love that this is not only an acrostic, but also an exercise in alliteration! Clever :)

    In some lines, it did feel a little unnatural, a little crammed with one too many adverbs/adjectives that crowded the piece, but I really had fun reading this and the effort I'm sure went into it.

    • 2 weeks ago

      by Koan

      Hi and thanks for swinging by at my poem, The hardest part for me was to keep a logical flow between lines... I love to use adverbs/adjectives and I love to give a surreal feel to most of my poems...
      Thanks again for reading me..!

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Ben Pickard

    They will teach this in classes worldwide as a lesson in the art of alliteration, Alfred! Great piece

    • 2 weeks ago

      by Koan

      Hey You, dear Poet!
      I knew that you would enjoy this little verse!!!
      Thank you Ben for reading me! Means a lot to me...

  • 2 weeks ago

    by ddavidd

    nice to see you back, bringing your wonderful poetry, wisdom, love and energy back to this site.

    • 2 weeks ago

      by Koan

      I was so excited to see you under your old username!!!
      Thank you DD for reading me all these years...!

      We have been through a lot on this site eh DD? ~laughs~
      Love you man...!

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