From silence

by Jonathan   Jan 7, 2006


I stand on the bank, the bank of freedom
And behold!
The swamp that is the modern society
A puddle of rot and hate
A soup of lies and fate

Walking down the bank
It hits me
The future, blurred and dim
But as clear as the morning
The morning hymen
Awaken and ready

Rising from the ash it's clear
The down of man is not to be here
Forever silence forever gone
The future of man is torn
Torn apart by those, those who were
Who is ,and who will be.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Emma

    Great job! this is amazing, ur a terrific writer

  • 18 years ago

    by shannon

    I liked that poem alot, nice work. 5/5

    take care

  • 18 years ago

    by Michelle

    Great poem. 5/5! wonderful work! keep it up! :o)

    hugs,

    michelle

  • 18 years ago

    by Leah20

    Once again, watch the rhyme scheme. This poem was a bit choppy, but working on the rhyme scheme will help that also.

  • 18 years ago

    by Gretchen

    I think you meant swamp instead of swump...I dont like that line a soup you are bound to ate its forced rhyme I get what you wanna say but ate doesnt fit. Also but as clear as the morning or a morning you need to pick. The last line I think the comma should be before and to break it up better. Overall I liked the meaning of the poem I would just make those changes to read better. Good job 4/5

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