with equal exchange in mind, would it be valid to say, that one could trade inert items for tangible things that only a person could value?
example:trading batteries for smiles would be business as usual.
as sound becomes inherit to text; voice has become meaningless, recordings,music,tapes have succumb to numbers.
as the patterns become more intricate being swept along is no longer enough..
i have wandered the concrete valleys only to find that something is wrong. we are drones.
we are the same but not so much alike.
vaguely familiar yet alien.
i have reason to believe that i should question my definitions.. and further more, my existence.
this poem is based on the belief that one day, machines will become aware.
I read about few of your peices and have concluded the two that I have commented on were the best as far as message you could provide. The images were good the flow was abit off but for the most part thier were definate messages in the ones I commented good job Plot121
Wow.. what a beautiful poem.. i love the topic of this poem i love this part "would it be valid to say, that one could trade inert items for tangible things that only a person could value?
example:trading batteries for smiles would be business as usual." wow... its kind of scarry when you think about it... :]P
and even though i love this poem and the meaning of it .. i didnt see much of a flow
Okay before I get into this let me just say I tried reading your poem Chessmate... and I couldn't. I HATE reading a giant blop. You would get so much more readers if you would just set up stanzas. Let me give you this advice:
I know that you probably don't care. But it shows that you care enough to put the time into making your poem not only sound good but to look good as well. i mean if i wuz 2 talk lke dis da hole entir time. well it dus lok prutty sloppy. Plus a lot of people get annoyed and will flat out not read it.
I notice you're a new member .. I've been one since '05... and this is just some senior member giving you advice. I'm not trying to be rude, just trying to help. :)
About the poem.
Bad stuff first:
I didn't really feel as if this were a poem. Just like a statement. Where's the emotion? And if you rhyme.. where's the rhyme? Where's the style? Where's the structure? You have no flow. (Flow is how smoothly your poem runs.. in your case I feel as if I'm reading a statement in the news paper.)
I've never really thought about this before... It was extremely intresting (Lucky for you I read the newspaper ;) hehe) I liked how you tied things together... like batteries and smiles .. That was like my favorite part.
Tom you have makings of a great poet... When people give you advice at least listen to it. Here's the thing. Most people are butt lickers they will say a poems great just to be nice. But how does that help you? It takes guts to give advice. I care enough about poet's to give them mine. So if someone offers you advice don't be offended.