Your just jealous because my dinosaur is named
Alfred

We had gay burglars break into our house last night...
They rearranged our furniture..

Shut your mouth when your talking to me!

Lame sauce!!!!!!!!!

Bomb sauce!!!!!!!!!

If you are in the way be the way.

These tears of blood falling, breathing has ceased but nothing is as scary as losing you again....:( (kinda bad)

I accidentally rear ended a car at a stoplight.
The driver, a midget, got out and yelled at me, "I'm not happy"
I leaned down and replied, "Well then, which one are you?"

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

xD lol had to.

Directions:

To num physical pain, use ice pack.

To num emotional pain, use ice cream.

Side effects: freeze burn and vomiting.