God Said: "Let there be light."
Chuck Norris said: "Say Please."

Q:: What do you call an aboriginal flying a plane?

A:: A pilot you fcukin racist!

Daddy once told me that when mommy passed away, she was taken by the butterflies into Heaven. From that day forward, I swore that I would torture and kill every last one of them until they would reveal to me the location of this so called 'Heaven.'

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Like it or not, god made pot.

Two Lovers plan to commit suicide.
Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes and returned back saying.. "love is blind"
Boy in mid-air opened his parachute saying "love never dies.."

You think you're all that and a bag of chips?

Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles, so taste the rainbow, b**ch!

1 morning I was in a bad mood my boyfriend pissed me off so bad:

Sam: Hey wh0re what's up?

Me: I'm not in the mood today Sam.

Sam: Aww, poor baby! Cry me a river.

Me: I'm about to fr*cking drown you in a river in a second.

I tried sniffing coke once... but the ice-cubes got stuck up my nostrils.

I just found out that my boyfriend cooks with a pooper scooper instead of a spatchula hmm...no wonder his food tasted like sh*t!