You have ONE advantage over me.....you can kiss my ass and I can't!!

Please tell your pants its not polite to point!

Raising a kid is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.

When Chuck Norris goes swiming he doesn't get wet the water gets chuck norris

Blondes may have more fun but as least brunette's remeber it the day after!

Lol just jokes

You said
"Go to Hell"
but I can't, really I'd love to meet you there, but unfortunately...
I have a restraining order

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, but guns help 'cuz i don't think it would do much if we went behind someone and yelled BANG!

"violence is not the answer, although it does make you feel better 99% of the time"

Roses are red and violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you, but the roses are wilted and the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.

The squirrel did it.

Are you into casual sex, or should i dress up?