When life throws you lemons....Buy some vodka!

Everything's possible? Have you EVER tried slamming a revolvable door?

Do you ever wonder...
who was the first person to see a egg come out of a chickens butt and said...
I am going to eat that?

A women once said that a man is
like a deck playing card you need
A Heart To Love Him
A Diamond To Marry Him
A Club To Smash His F#?@$ing Head In
A Spade To Bury The Bastard

Elementary School- "He started it!"

Middle School- "It was a dare!"

High School- "I was drunk."

Her belt was hard-pressed to keep up her pants

Losing your virginity is a lot like Fable II: It starts off strange, but it gets easier real fast. Before you know it, it's over! And then you can do what ever the hell you want.

Thinks procrastination is a lot like masturbation... At first it seems like a really fun idea, but in the end you realize that you're just f**king yourself

They say honesty is the best way to go. But how do you tell someone that you were dreaming about them? You don't, you lie and say it was a nightmare.

Everyone knows a mike. =)