When a shit is written "made in China" thats when you have second thoughts

Why is the speed limit in a school zone 15 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles.

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.

Vision is the true creative rhythm.

Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.

Lesson learned: toddlers don't understand sarcasm. As a side note, don't say 'bite me' around toddlers that don't understand sarcasm.

I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need.

"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks

Relationship status : Taken (for granted)

Wow, I've been on the No Sugar Diet for one day and have already lost ... my will to live.