Have you ever been so broke you tempted to ask god if you can have the refund for the payment made by Jesus on the cross for your sin??

This girl tweeted at me to DM her. What a weirdo, how am I supposed to Dungeon Master her?

What was I like in high school? You know that guy who drove a Mustang and banged all the cheerleaders? I'm the reason he passed calculus.

Fox News: Fair like cancer, balanced like Louis XV

Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put "an@l" in front of them..Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger,etc

The cashier at the store told me to have a good day like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.

We just got a fax at work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

You can't shut a good poet down, if they shut up

I'm the poet who didn't know it, my wife uses a brush, an Artist in no rush!

Her: Are you listening to me? Me: Trying. But when you talk, your boobs jiggle. It's distracting. Her: Grow up. Me: They did it again!