A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?

Why can't things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you're my girlfriend.

Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.

Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping?...Ha, try online dating.

Best way to get out of a text convo: "The message could not be delivered due to a temporary network setup error. Please try later. Error 2128-226110"

I'm outta here like a deaf kid in a game of musical chairs.

Warning: I just get weirder.

Friend laying on my arm: "Why are you vibrating?"

Me: "Didn't you know I come equipped with a pleasure setting?"

My entire drawing table burst into laughter.

Why aren't we letting blind people think that dragons are real?

Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don't have to hear what she's talking about.