Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

The devil on my shoulder is my advisor. The angle is just there for show.

People who say "no news is bad news" clearly don't watch the same news as me.

Of all the things about me that could frighten you,
You worry about my driving.

I have two emotions; rage and supressed rage.

Guns don't kill people...
But they sure make it easy

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Im secretly in love,
but not with you!

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."

HEY! I just heard, a short bus tipped over and I know how you dont like to wear your helmet because its hard to lick the windows. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

After a year of therapy my psychiatrist told me "Well . . maybe life isn't for everyone after all."