I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

My ultimate goal is to live forever..so far so good..

:))

Money can't buy happiness: but it can buy marshmallows which are kinda the same thing.

I should warn him. Or, maybe i'll just hide.. Oooh i like that plan.

If women were made of glass, you still wouldn't be able to see through them...

Popularity: Sometimes it's not what you say, it's how friggin cool you look saying it.

When life gives you lemons,make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how the heck you did it.

Happiness is getting drunk after having a glass of water..
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