I have skittles in my mouth, you wanna taste the rainbow?

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my brother to swim.

If at first you do not succeed; failure might just be your style?

Fire Fighters take the heat, but EMTs can legally take your clothes off!!!

A husband will learn to behave when a wife learns to shut up.

Roses are red violets are blue.
but violets are purple so what's with the blue.

-my friend came up with this one too.

Never tell your problems to someone.
20% don't care
And 80% are glad you have them.

Actual conversation:
Him: You are such a b***h!
Me: I take that as a compliment.
Him: Oh really
Me: Yea because I'd call you a d**k, but you don't got one!

Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "Youre making a scene"

Dont follow in my footsteps....i run into walls .