So lost without you by my side
Worried, alone I sit and cry
On your words of strength I relied
The long dark nights slip slowly by
Silence surrounding, no reply
Soft breathing now the only sound
My mind still sees that day you died
Laying now beneath dark, cold ground
John I'm still waiting and missing you :(
Written By: Cynthia Graver
August 10, 2009
Written for a club challenge
A Huitain has 8 lines.
Each line has 8 syllables only.
Lines 1 and 3 should rhyme
Lines 2,4,5 and 7 should rhyme
Lines 6 and 8 should rhyme
I didn't know about this form..thank you so much for the introduction Cindy :)
nice rhyme, you did a good job with this form..except for this:
"Laying now beneath dark, cold ground"
there's something wrong with this line..
it's like you omitted a "the" just to follow the syllable count, which made the ending sound a little bit shaky..
Maybe you should place "the" instead of "cold" or "dark"..I see you wrote both cold and dark just for the emphasis.
Anyway this is just a point of view :)
Good job Cindy