Prayer

"........you didn't intend for me to dine my own heart out" - brilliant.
A truly moving piece,
Take care,
Ben

Very well written personal prayer poem

"God I know that you didn't intent for
me to dine my own heart out,
yet I did as everything that I held dear to me
vanished into the mists of forgotten memories."

- First line: Put a comma after "God", also "intent" should be "intend"

- Second line: interesting choice of words. I like how you used "dine" here. Also, don't think you need the word "own".

- Third line: Re-read or re-phrase?

- Fourth line: I liked reading "vanished" but "forgotten memories" seemed a bit cliche.

"I am a soldier with battle scars that no one truly knows.
Holding onto a smile that's faker,
than my laugh when things go horribly wrong."

- Think this stanza could use some work. Simply my humble opinion though. I liked where you're going with the metaphor. You could even write, "I, a soldier with hidden battle scars" so it's not so verbose. I would suggest placing a comma instead of a period of the first line, then deleting the comma after "faker".

- I think you could write something stronger than "faker". "Holding onto a smile to disguise the pain" or something. "things go wrong" is just too vague in my opinion. Could be stronger.

"I'm a vixen queen, but that doesn't mean that I won't
bow down to fate when the gig is up."

- I wasn't a fan of the wording, but this is where your voice and style shine through. I just think after writing of being a soldier, etc, "the gig is up" kind of over simplifies your struggle or what you're going through.

"I'm praying now, as I never truly before did."
- Beautiful, honest line.

"All I want is a way for redemption to come to my aid;"

- I still think this could be shortened a bit. Like "All I want is redemption's mighty aid" or something like that.

"for an angel to guide me through the darkness of
this bottomless pit of a heart."

- Your prayer and yearning here is earnest. I think we all want an angel or some guardian to help us find the light and find ourselves at some point. I wasn't too keen on "of this bottomless pit of a heart" because it sounded too wordy.

"Whatever it takes I want to find a way out
even if I have to go down on my knees and
swallow my pride for a third chance; for
my heart to become filled with love, rather
than stay in a constant loop filled with misery."

- I thought this was a strong finish and your voice is clear here. It's humble and wanting to accept and return that love. I think sometimes we have to let go and surrender, let go of that control in order to learn and grow.

- For "go down on my knee", you could use "genuflect" or a synonym. "go down" seems like a filler here.

- I would suggest in the last line, using a stronger word than "filled" since you already used it in the previous one.

Take care.

May all your prayers and wishes cone true, Mori-san (: I love the honest thoughts poured in every word in this piece, it shows your courage, persistence, dedication, and how smart and strong you are (: Nicely done (:

PS. Can't get over with the necklace (: Haha ..

--- MKKK

Mori,

May the answer to your prayers bring peace and security to your heart.
You are young, beautiful and smart, I know very well the kind of life and love waiting for you :)
Very beautifully penned.