I'M OUT OF SHAPE!

by CRAFTY KEN   Oct 31, 2017


I’M OUT OF SHAPE!

I’m really out of shape as I reach for another piece of cake, I’m eating so much of my baking without doing any shaking. As I moan aloud to my friend on the phone, I confess that I can’t leave those calories alone and I mounge on everything right to the bone.
I love to meet some willing guy who will take me out to eat, I enticingly look him in the eye, but in my hungry mind I am looking forward to that huge pie ala mode and wondering if my little frame can handle a bigger load?

I ponder going back to the Gym being my belly has become like an oversize bowl of jelly, but a whiff of a nearby Restaurant’s Cuisine is delightfully smelly. Then my conscience screams out; Whoa their Nelly, go to the Gym instead, then go home, eat some bread, go to bed, you will then lose some of those calories that you dread!
Woe is me, I still want to eat everything I see, but I’m embarrassed when I’m out with some bloke for a drink because when I lift my hand my mouth automatically opens, this to me is serious and no joke.

I finally have a solution to my dilemma and it has nothing to do with suppositories, listen and I’ll tell you my story. Now, when I go out to a dinner, I eat all I can with no care to bare, life could not be finer! The next day though, I grab one of those “Shake off those pounds to stay away from the trough” I drink it, it tastes like crap and makes me cough but it does it's thing and I console myself by looking forward to my next dinner fling!

Note: As a youngster I was very skinny, no matter how much I ate, I could not gain weight. Today, if I look at food I’ll gain a pound, now I avoid junk food, exercise, but whenever we eat out, food beware!

Author Ken
October 31, 2017

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  • 6 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Made me giggle. They keep telling me it must be old age but the truth is I don't care the way I used to when young. And the food taste better without worrying about the weight. I will start walking again. All the best to you

    • 6 years ago

      by CRAFTY KEN

      We both think the same, when it come to enjoying a great meal, who's to blame?

  • 6 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    :) its like reverse psychology! Some are thin when young
    the later food becomes their weakness, then some are over
    weight when young and as they age they are thin..nonetheless,
    when there is good food who can resist?

    • 6 years ago

      by CRAFTY KEN

      Thanks Meena, your reply reminds me of a riddle, what walks on four legs, then two and then three?
      a baby, an adult and finally an old person with a cane!

  • 6 years ago

    by Michael

    Ken,

    Another witty piece from you,
    certainly gave me a giggle, as always
    Michael :)

    • 6 years ago

      by CRAFTY KEN

      Thanks Michael, I'm pleased that you read and comment on my poems!

  • 6 years ago

    by mossgirl19

    Hahaha...food is calling me at the moment, Ken! I used to be very skinny too, having a long neck...but now I have lost some of my signature collar bone. Hehe.

    I had a very good laugh because I can relate so much with the episodes of this poem. This is beautifully rhymed too which made it a flowy read. :-)

    • 6 years ago

      by CRAFTY KEN

      Thanks Mel, to tell the truth I like weighing my 175 pounds rather than the 120 pounds when I was 20 years old and the girls at the beach would kick sand in my face-Ha-Ha! Now at my age the only place that weight finds a home in in the La Bonanza (Gut), my poor belt gets tired of having so many new holes put in it.

  • 6 years ago

    by CJ Maleney

    Love this.

    I was always skinny as a kid, it wasn't till I stopped smoking that I put weight on, too much on.

    I looked at myself in the mirror and thought crap. So I hit the gym and got ripped. Problem with that was I got to big for my kayaking.

    Slimmed down again now, I never eat cake or sweet things, but you should see what I can do to a steak or a rack of ribs lol

    Thanks for the smiles x

    • 6 years ago

      by CRAFTY KEN

      Right-on Craig, my five years at the Gym took me on a wonderful voyage from a skinny Canoe to a five masted Frigate and well armed. I put a lot of muscle on the bones (15 1/2 inches) I learned from the experienced weight lifters that the only way for a genetically skinny person to gain weight was to add lots of muscle. The first two years I went from 120 pounds to 180, my fear of going to the Beach was gone! Like you, I rarely eat sweets, fruit is better.

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